MARINE CORPS AIR STATION IWAKUNI, Japan -- Editor's Note: This is the first in a four-part series of articles on parenting in which information, ideas and suggestions for becoming a better parent are explored.
The issues of discipline, punishment and responsible behavior are not easy for parents or teenagers to deal with. However, for those who want to learn more about how to deal with problems or to become better parents, the Outreach Program offers Active Parenting classes.
"Classes are a place where parents can learn how to open up the lines of communication and deal with discipline in a more effective manner," said Teri Lovely, Outreach Program coordinator.
But most people say children do not come with instructions. When Lovely heard this, she pulled out a couple of textbooks to display some modern instruction manuals on how to be a parent.
Lovely knows the books aren't the complete answer. Still, she stressed there are ways for parents to learn how to deal with the many problems and difficulties they have raising children and teenagers.
"Everything you do with your child will affect them," said Lovely. For this reason, she recommends spending time with children doing enrichment activities to encourage communication and interaction.
These enrichment activities will vary depending on the age of the child and individual interests, explained Lovely. For small children, going to the zoo is one suggestion; for teenagers, shopping or exercising together are some ideas. The important thing is to talk with each other and discuss what's happening in the child's life.
To emphasize her point, Lovely gave an example of a teenage girl getting a tattoo, but not telling her mother. The surprising thing is sometimes teenagers can hide things like this for months, even a year or more. Lovely pointed out she had seen several cases just like this.
"Communication is the key to situations like this," emphasized Lovely. "Listen to your children first and then discuss the consequences."
How to parent and deal with the normal growth of teenagers is difficult, acknowledged Lovely. The teenage years are when people are learning how to define themselves and learning how to behave as adults. They still need parents and guidance, but they also need room to develop their own interests.
"What teenagers need," explained Lovely, "is love and limits. They need to know they can come home and talk to their parents without being judged."
She added that they need to know home is a place where they can share what's happening in their lives, the good things and the bad.
At the same time, parents need to set limits such as curfews and define appropriate behavior, she noted. Lovely recommended choosing what's important and setting limits on those issues. Things such as fashion and hairstyles can be discussed, but ultimately it's better to let teenagers decide for themselves.
Although there are many difficult decisions that must be made when raising children, parents will always have the assistance of the Outreach Program here. For those who want to learn more about how to deal with problems or to become better parents, there are "Active Parenting" classes. For more information on classes, to get answers to specific questions or to sign up for the new classes beginning Monday call Lovely at 253-6962.