MARINE CORPS AIR STATION IWAKUNI, Japan -- There is a common saying that spouses have the hardest job in the military.
Are they saying that being a wife is harder than spending their time in 120-degree weather, pulling hours of guard duty and spending days in the field without adequate sleep or hot chow? Of course not. But military spouses endure the trials and tribulations of the military as well and should be acknowledged for what they do.
For many, being the other half of a service member means enduring months of separation, raising children on their own, running a household and paying bills while their spouse is deployed, training, or simply doing their job.
“Whether I want to or not I have to be there,” said Angela Garbutt, a Marine Corps wife aboard Marine Corps Air Station Iwakuni. “I’m like the backbone. I’m a secretary, wife, housekeeper, problem solver, comedian. I have to blend into every aspect of his career.”
Marine Corps spouses have not only married their husbands but also the military way of life. They no longer have control over where they want to live, how long they will be there or even where their children will go to school. Making plans more than a few months in advance is now impossible unless they want them to get cancelled last minute.
Being a military spouse means being able to compromise, be flexible and be independent.
“You have to have patience, you have to have trust and you to have the knowledge that he’s got to be somewhere at a certain time. You’ve got to know what certain time that is,” said Crystal Lenac, a Marine Corps spouse of almost seven years. “If you don’t know or don’t understand that he has to be there for the whole week or for duty, it’ll drive you crazy.”
Garbutt said the most important thing a wife can do for her husband is to be his number one supporter.
“If I’m not there, who else is?” she said. “There’s only so much you can expect from a friend, or a co-worker, or a fellow Marine. There’s only so much you can get from that person. When you’re away from everybody else in uniform and he comes home, it’s my job to calm him and ask him questions. Even if I don’t know what he’s talking about, I’m still supposed to listen. Even if I don’t want to hear it, if I don’t know what’s happening, if I don’t know what the abbreviations mean, I still have to listen.”
On top of all of the day-to-day challenges, the hardest thing spouses will ever have to deal with is having a spouse deployed to a combat zone.
“When my husband deployed for the first time, I freaked out for the first two weeks because he hadn’t called me,” said Lenac. “So I called a (key volunteer) and it turned out that their flight had been delayed in Germany. I felt a little better that he was safe, but I still wanted to hear his voice.”
How do they deal with the separation and being alone? Lenac says the best way she deals with deployments is by keeping herself busy.
“I go home, I spend time with my family, I help my grandparents or I get a job,” she said. “I have two kids, so I have to keep their little minds busy too, or it’s always going to be, ‘When’s daddy going to be home?’ or ‘When’s daddy going to call?’ So I have to stay busy and focused on what’s going on right now and not what’s going on in Iraq. If I do that, it’s going to eat away at me.”
Even after all of the worry and turmoil Marine Corps wives put themselves through, there are things they have learned to love about the military.
“The traveling and the different places that you get to experience are amazing,” said Garbutt. “But above all of that, the people you get to come in contact with is the best part about being a spouse.”
Being a military spouse is probably the most joyful, frustrating, challenging, rewarding and heartbreaking life a woman can choose.
“A military marriage is the complete and utter opposite of any other marriage,” said Garbutt. “It’s more demanding, it’s more damning, and you’ll spend most of your time alone. So if you can’t handle that, I’d advise you to step away.”